Mechanisation and the Modern Mouser

The internet is a wonder thing, you can go to distant strange places….see amazing monuments….chase exotic mouses…..hmm I wonder if them mouses are spicy?

Anyways, there’s things that you can see and do on the web that you couldn’t do or see before, and you can boldly go where no cat has gone before! Well maybe the last bit isnt true, cos I suspect that a cats been everywhere before a peep has been, and probably slept on it too! I even found on the web that in 1963 a French cat named Félicette made it into space and back again! Apparently, though little reported, she confirmed the moon wasn’t made of cheese and that there wasn’t sufficient a mouses issue to warrant a second trip. She apparently duly slept the rest of the flight and refused the offer of another on the grounds that the G force warped her whiskers.

This could also open up a whole new industrial sector, feline automotive products could save the Motor Industry, road side caterers could abound, though ironically I’m told that peep caterers don’t actually serve nip or mice! And of course the road industry would flourish as new cat lanes would be needed, without those multicolored lights, they’d only cause traffic jams as you know how us cats like to stop & look at a sparkly lights! Mind profits would be small on each car, well I’m not particularly big and so I figure the cars wouldn’t be either. I’d have to get peeps to buy it for me, not having pockets or pocket money, but I’m sure I could pay him back in mouses, yep I could do that, he’s always happy to see a mouse, jumps up and down he does.

 The idea of travel though does intrigue me, and whilst generally I do think us cats pretty much know that the best and safest place is at home, we all at some point get the urge to go exploring. Now there is of course one big bar to us cats driving, which is we wouldn’t be able to get the necessary licences, or even provisional licences to get started. This all seems really rough in these enlightened days when peep children can get them, and they’re way less sensible at 18 than I was at two. Just think, we could get our own meals and litter (ones that we like!) and even pick up the right color paint and save some unnecessary design faux pas, if you get my drift!

I did read in one of the Gentlecat Nerissa’s journals that his brother, Seville, had mastered Time Travel! Wowzer for sure! This is one invention that every cat should have. Think on it……….OK you don’t have to think on it but if you have, that’s enough now already! Right, yes, having thought on it just imagine that you’ve finished a well deserved (dessert) mouse and find that there’s no seconds! Darn catering fowl up! or is that mouse up? anyways no worries, you hop into your time machine and hey presto, Toms your Uncle your back to the where and when you got the mouse and off you go again. Unlimited mouses or is that mouse? same difference I suspect! purrs

Talking of mouses, reminds me that peep bought a electronic mouse trap home last month! Of all the nerve, with the mouser supreme in the house he gets a gadget to catch mouses, whatever next…maybe robot dogs walked by robot peeps, for peeps that get stuck in their sofas? Anyways, I came home one evening with a mouse in tow (small children please look away at this point) and started a game of tag under the bed. Now all was going well up until said playmate ran into this little box. I’d not really noticed it before (the box that is) as it was tucked in a dark corner under the bed, the sort of dark corner you always get in the movies, with the strange chilling music and cobwebs. Well we don’t have any chilling music (bar peeps snoring) but there were some cob webs for sure, and there among them was this box, black menacing and mysterious, into which the mouse ran.

No sooner than it had gone in a little green light went on and then…..nothing? Thinking it was a bit like a rest room, with a light to indicate “occupied”, I stuck around for a bit and then a bit more, but still nothing. Hmm….this clearly wasn’t acceptable in my mousing rules, so I gave the box a tap then a prod then a swat, and still no mouse came out of the little hole. Had the mouse acquired the teleportation device I had read about? had it somehow gone out the other side? who knew, and frankly, neither were telling! wowser!

Never one to be bested, and not least by a box, I decided to carry on my practice where I left off, and chased the box around for a bit. Mindful of the disaster with the AS US, I abandon the game when I got near the door and headed on outside for some proper practice. When I returned with another mouse, I headed on upstairs and was presented with peep under the bed with the little black box, sounds sort of like that board game Clue huh? Crawling out from under the bed, he looked somewhat sheepishly at me and confessed the black box was just in case I lost one! Me lose a mouse? never! I just keep them safe till its time for their supper! By way of making sure the next mouse wasn’t zapped away in the black box, I popped him in the bath. It has to be said that peep wasn’t amused at bath time, but then again neither was the mouse which got an early bath.

Later that week, to make up for the black box technology debacle, peep bought me a mechanical mouse thing to play with rather than mice, though I suspect he thinks I’ve been on the cream too much again, as though I would. Anyways, it sat there like no mouse you have ever seen, a red tail stuck out from underneath an 18 inch diameter lemon cloth. The tail then rotated randomly backwards and forwards around the edge of the cloth. Now I’m no whimp and I purr in the face of danger so this was just silly, way beneath a Princess for sure, so I duly ignored it when peep put it on.

Now I have to say, and that this may sound odd (which will probably be the cheese I’m eating as I write this) that, even though I knew it wasn’t real I just couldn’t help but be drawn to it. Despite my disdain, I just had to know I was better than this mechanical mouse, after all I am the Mouser en Residence and have a position to maintain, and it wouldn’t look good on the resume, no ma’am.

So when peep next switched it on, I just leapt from my day room, which if I may digress for a mo is a rather natty box peep bought me, came with a free monitor too, that’s a screen and not a large lizard! Anyhows, I pounced and spun and lunged at this rotating tail until I cornered it, well to be fair circles don’t have corners so I did what any self respecting Princess would do, I sat on it! Job done.

I must say it tickled a bit as it tried to escape, but in the end I can safely say it stopped dead. Honor duly satisfied, I left peep scratching his head and wondering if a repair man was in order or if I’d just used up all the batteries. Well that’s what you get for trying to mechanize your cat, you just cant beat good old fashioned feline speed, patience and tireless dedication to the pursuit of the mouse….or nip….or cream, yep definitely cream. purrs

Needless to say peep hasn’t bought anything else mechanical home recently, twice bitten as it were, so I think normal mousing can be resumed… now where did I los…place that mouse?