CHANGE

Now if you recall in my last post “WHAT!”  we at the palace were about to besieged by explosions, fireworks and bonfires in celebration of the NOT blowing up of parliament.

Well let me tell you that it was a close call for sure, but it rained and rained and that seemed to have done the job of dampening the ardour of those pesky peeps who sought to pollute and scare the wits out of peep and I. There were a few hairy moments when I needed to follow peep under the bed, just to make sure things were OK, and also insist I be fed treats and be cuddled, just to reassure me, if you know what I mean. But we came through it with our hearts still beating and our sanity intact, well until next year anyways. purrs

Don’t let on, but I suspect that all this rain was for the good as peeps experimentation in the labs to make a fog from the pea and potato soup to blanket out the whole sky and stop things going ahead was less than productive. Hmm, in fact its safe to say that there was more pollution inside the palace than out. Mouses!

Now it wasn’t long after a series of articles and revelations in the newspapers about certain make of polluting cars that weren’t, or were dependant on whether you were looking at them or not, that I read a wonderful blog post called “A Blog Blast for Peace” by our good friend Savannah, (you can see it at via this link:- http://savannahspawtracks.com/2015/11/04/dona-nobis-pacem-4/ ) and it struck a chord and got me looking at things about the environment and our own and others credentials.

It seems only right therefore my dear friends that, in the spirit of full disclosure (not that I imbibe you understand, well not unless its cream and nip liqueur), that I must declare that “I’m polluting the environment!”

Well that said, I better qualify that I, Erin the Cat (Princess), part time algorithmist, surveyor of holes, sun puddles, and fine electric can openers, am not personally polluting anything, no ma’am.

I am not, unlike certain cars, running around the globe causing asthma and ozone holes in the atmosphere (dependent of course on whether you happen to be looking at them or not at the time), and I definitely try never to leave anything behind that’s polluting or isn’t natural.

In fact I can definitely say there is never anything left behind in the nature of cream, cheese, or nip though there may be the odd feather, but I’m collecting those to make a new pillow, for peep you understand, as a sort of Christmas present. Though at this rate that won’t be this year or even next, hmm maybe I’ll have to sleep on this idea for a bit longer.

Peep on the other hand has been guilty of pollution, well noise pollution anyway what with his snoring, and there is a fair degree of bad humming going on in the palace, oh yes, but to his credit it is nothing as bad as some of that ‘grunge’ music the young peeps seem to like. Mouses

No, what I actually meant was that the ‘Palace’ does emit some fumes, excluding peeps cooking, from the solid fuel wood burns that we have. Now looking around at the accounts I was pleased to see that all the wood is bought from sustainable sources or is given to us for free to save it being destroyed or just dumped. Of all the fuels out there peep says that the wood is best, and if used sensibly makes the Palace a carbon neutral zone for sure, sort of like Switzerland what with neither of us having an army and all.

Anyways, as to those polluting cars, it seems those peeps at the EU in their wisdom have decided that rather than stop these diesel cars polluting and make them abide by the law, they’re going to let them carry on polluting and in fact lower the bar so they can actually pollute the same if not more. Mouses!

Of course this is maybe one of those unfortunate clerical mistakes that politicians seem fated to make, and when they said lower the bar they were actually thinking of the limbo and making it harder and not the high jump which would be making it easier. Easy mistake to make what with language difficulties and all, heck all those hired translator peeps are bound to get it wrong if their translators are like mine on the laptop. purrs

Anyways this Princess wont be driving any diesel cars that’s for sure, in fact this princess hasn’t a licence, but with a chauffeur I don’t really need one. And as I say to my peep “walking is good for your soul, your heart, and your mind”, and if we get that new carrier, it will be good for his arms and legs too, less strenuous when he walks me to see the nice doctor lady.

Of course if my peep gets tired he could always get a dog to drive me. Yep it seems that some peeps are now planning on training dogs to fly. Well not them to fly as as such as that would be impossible given their lack of feathers, but rather teach them to pilot planes!

Yes its true, as true as flying squirrels and just as nutty, I can confirm that it made the papers this week that one enterprising TV company is doing a reality show where they’re teaching dogs to fly real planes, to prove not only their memory but their reasoning abilities.

Now if anyone is finding the thought of a Labrador or a small wire haired terrier wandering down the aisle of their 747 with flight suit on a bit of a concern, DON’T worry as those TV peeps have confirmed that these dogs are being taught to drive cars first, in circles! Mouses

OK, yes I AM very worried, not that I will be flying anywhere very soon, but even I can see some paws… oops, sorry some flaws in this plan. In fact paws would be one of them flaws, what with not having opposable thumbs to make those all important tweaks to the important bits and pieces them pilots have to twiddle, not to mention the intercom announcements. purrs

Then of course what if there were some problems, would they be able cope? not to mention there aren’t any trees up there in the sky if they were caught short. And what if some wild fowl went past, some of those guys aren’t opposed to chasing the odd bird and your flight could end up flying South for the winter rather than North for that skiing holiday in Canada. Mouses!

Now don’t get me wrong, credit where its due, our canine pals are fantastic, they’re truly brilliant in all walks and spheres of life where they assist humans. And whether it be working or as companions, they can be true heroes, and their services aren’t to be sniffed at, no ma’am. OK, yes at times we do sniff at them because of what they roll in but that’s a dog thing to roll in stuff and leave mud everywhere, and smell for sure, and a cats thing to sniff at them and go Ewww! Mouses!

And of course I must add that they can be a cats best friend too, so long as they’ve had a bath and keep to their side of the floor, not on the bed, sofa or in our fav. sun puddles. purrs

No I just think all this flying malarkey is for the birds, and peep pilots. Oh and whales of course, mustn’t forget them, though I don’t know how they fit in those cockpits, and it must be mighty wet, unless of course it was a sea plane… What’s that peep, Pilot whales DON’T fly, they swim! Well I never, who knew? maybe I should report this to the FAA, CAA, FBI and Scotland Yard!

Anyways, as I said, this Princess is trying her best to reduce the impact on the environment, save money, and have enough change for nip and cream. Not easy some may say, and you would be right, and also surprisingly wrong…

What is difficult is changing habits. But after all habits are, well, just habits, something we just do because we have always done or because parents have always done. Habits are things where we’ve never really stopped to think of options as we are told that either there aren’t any or they are inferior. Habits like smoking can and are way too bad for peeps and those round about, but it isn’t those obvious ones that we need to change, but the less obvious such as are others such as high sugar and salt not to mention wasting food.

One big habit peeps have got into is overeating, I can only assume because they equate eating lots with having good health and well being and showing off. Alas this is just a habit that those cunning advertising peeps have gotten you to believe is the way to be, when in fact its just not true.

In simple truth if you eat less but eat wholesome home made food using good ingredients, slow food as I call it, (not those mice as they can be devilishly quick) and in a balanced way, you actually wont need as much to eat or need to eat that bad sugary high fat and salt food.

Now if peeps all did that those that make food would need to make better food as peeps would demand it for everyone, and wouldn’t be brainwashed into accepting poor quality foods that cause diabetes, high blood pressure and hyperactivity in kids because that is what they want you to have.

Also if they make better food so the burden on agriculture lessens and the impact on the environment falls and peeps emotional and physical well being improves as does that of the planet.

Checking on peeps dress size one day as I lay… Er,,, near it, I noted that the waistline was, how can I put it delicately? in the ascendant maybe? nope, OK no easy way here but to say that, in the interest of full disclosure, which there was starting around the tummy, peeps was into realms of getting FAT! Mouses

OK now that’s out in the open like the Palace pollution, I can say we have started peep on an immediate dietitian assisted diet. We’ve lowered nay stopped the carb and sugar (pizza and wine) intake and upped the greens and exercise so there is more jogging to the shops for comestibles such as cream and treats, thereby saving money on fuel and calories on the waistline and thus money on new clothes. Net result is peep is actually happy and I’m content in a good job done and those treats well deserved.

Now as to changes of habit, if all that sounded way too hard a process to manage, let me say that the EASY bit is actually in the doing of it. Making a change from one product, say high in sugar or salt or that pollutes more, to another that is low in sugar and salt or pollutes less is EASY, just pick it up.

If your not sure of credentials there are no doubt Internet sites to tell peeps all they need to know, especially if manufacturers cant be trusted to tell the truth, as though they wouldn’t though, huh.

Anyways I suppose the whole thing about whether the peep race survives with this planet, and you wont survive without it, is if peeps force the change. Companies and governments wont change unless they have to, and as sure as sugar is sweet and profitable they wont make changes on their own, so its down to peeps asking and voting for change, nay demanding change and voting with pen and feet (rather than polluting diesel cars, that aren’t or are) that will make it will happen.

Cynics amongst you may well scoff and say that this degree of change isn’t possible. OK I will leave you with an article I slept on last week which, if you’ll forgive a seeming contradiction “opened my eyes”, follow the link to see how one peep, the Mayor of Oklahoma made it all happen

http://www.centreforpublicimpact.org/article/city-limits/

Now all that said, and in the interests of full disclosure and the environment, I can say that I will be sending peep for a healthy run later for cream, followed by a short shower and a bowl of salad, possibly at the same time!

I in the meantime will be keeping my finger on the pulse of public opinion, pondering electric tin openers eco credentials and monitoring the elasticity of wool duvets and their effect on global and localized warming. purrs

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WHAT!

What?

What?

WHAT!

What do you mean I cant go out? Have you lost the plot peep? You do know that I need to do the night patrol, check the stock and generally have a whal….er…. hard working time!

What’s that you say?  Hall of weeds? I know the gardeners aren’t that good but I swear I’d have noticed grass growing IN the palace! mind you that new rug has a funny texture?

Whats that peep? its not weeds its we’en, Hall-o-we’en. Well why didn’t you say that then.

Question for you peep, what or who is Hallowe’en?  and why does it or they say I cant go out tonight, after all this is my/our palace and there cant be any greater law than ours, unless of course its the Queen herself. Mouses!

What’s that?

OK, so maybe the Queen wont be going out either, but she has Princesses and Princes to do her bidding, and I bet they will be going out, after all they have estates too, and no doubt will have tiles to check.

What? Its foggy out? Hang on I’ll just check…… *raises an eye to window* ….yep sure is, though that sort of makes things better and easier for me. You see peeps, what with me being a Tux and thus black with princessly cute white bits, and the night being… well… black, and the fog being sort of dark and foggy, it all sort of adds to the stealth mode when tracking those miscreants.

OK, well yes, I will get damp, but that’s ok, it doesn’t usually bother me, what with my well groomed high gloss sleek… OK you get the picture, I just wont be that damp, and as to paw prints on the duvet, I deny all knowledge, absolutely 100% not me, this Princess uses the door mat, and then the carpet, never any left once I’ve got to the stairs, no ma’am, except that time with Reggie the rat in bathroom No. 1.

Anyways why can’t I go out?

WHAT! Monsters… Ghosts and Ghouls!…. the Walking Dead!… Witches! Surely not in my neighborhood, we have that ‘Neighborhood Watch’ scheme too. Clearly they must be slacking if the wrong sort of peeps are moving in. Mouses!

Fear not peeps, I will protect you, once the drawbridge is up, the portcullis down and the lion’s set loose! Yes, this princess will answer any call to arms for Queen, peep and country and deal a mighty blow for freedom against tyranny, cream shortages,  zombies and….  hang on does Hallowe’en clash with that new book about cream being read on ‘A Book at Bedtime’ on Radio 4?

What’s that peep? there’ll be bangs and explosions and bright dazzling lights and …..

*pained expression and shuffling of feet* …..oh!… OH!… *bead of sweat forms and furrowing of brow*

OK, say no more peep, I can see that all these goings on will disturb and upset you loads, in fact probably more if I could think of a word weighty enough! No I can see my services are needed here, zombies or not I shall be at your side, supporting you through this terrible time.

Now if you lay on some treats and cream, get in one of those cat documentary DVD’s, I liked that one on the Aristocats, then I will go and warm the wool duvet! Sounds like a good deal to me, yup there’s no place like home when there’s pandas on the streets, for sure.

What’s that peeps? Oh yes, sorry, apparently peep says its not so much the panda but the monium that you need to look out for. Mouses!

Now all said and done I’m a pretty sturdy Princess, and I will have a go at anything and will do what any self respecting Princess would do… but these explosions are way too noisy, way too violent and way too scary for us companions and the wildlife and my peep, so what’s the point? I shall be musing on this point from under the wool duvet with peep, so if you’ll excuse me a moment, or maybe three!

A few days later……

Thankfully Hallowe’en has now come and gone, without incident, but peep says that there is way worse to come when the peeps in the UK celebrate the blowing up of parliament on the 5th of November.

Well its not actually going to be blown up, that would be way too sensible in light of the cost of running it and the reported decay, whether that was the building or the politicians they didn’t say, maybe it was both! but it is in fact a celebration of when it should have been blown up but wasn’t.

Now is it just me, but isn’t it just a bit strange having massive bonfires and blowing lots of other smaller things up to celebrate not blowing something up that that maybe should have been? Clearly they couldn’t blow the parliament building up every year, despite the benefit to keeping going the UK’s main industry of building houses, but maybe they could try celebrating NOT blow parliament up, a sort of celebration of peace and quiet?

Maybe it will catch on and shops will sell cards saluting a quiet time, peace to all mankind, pandas and politicians too. Worth a thought, bit like electric can openers. Just saying peeps.

Anyways seems like peeps don’t need much an excuse to blow something up, be it balloons or buildings (or political egos so my peep says) so come rain or shine there will be peeps outside the palace that will spend huge amounts of money, way more than I can count, and way more than the number of sheep I need to count, which my good friend and a true Gentlecat of cats, Seville, over @Neirssaslife, reliably informs me is  three thousand, two hundred and twenty-nine. Mouses!

Yep, peeps are prepared to see their money go up, or not, in fire and smoke for a moment of fizzle or a deafening explosion that will leave no doubt countless pets and wildlife distraught, panicked or possibly hurt or killed, not to mention the odd house on fire and various limbs singed or peeps blinded.

So despite and amidst all the furore and concern across the globe about global warming and pollution, peeps still seem to want to pollute the environment. Seems like being pious and committed to saving the planet is good only so long as its on peeps own terms and not on weekends, holidays or other vagaries of life.

It doesn’t have to be that way, with the fireworks of course, I know first hand that peeps can use laser lights to create a  fantastic display with minimum of pollution, smell noise and distress. After all, which of us cats (who are luck enough to have a home, and caring parents who don’t let off fireworks) haven’t chased one of those little red dots? I have even seen displays on the internet on a scale way bigger than the biggest cat could chase. It’s true, I saw it on the internet. Purrs

Anyways I have a plan, well for next year at least, and it entails growing peas. Yep I’m turning the estate over to pea production to counter the global menace of the firework noise, smell, pollution and pet distress crisis.

WHY? I hear some of you saying and well you might as the answer isn’t clear, which is in itself the solution. I knew I had it just this week when peep showed me some pictures of the bad old days in the UK when they had pollution of another sort, made up of pea soup, that plagued the land and no one could see fireworks due to the soups density. Who’d have thought those sweet innocent looking peas could have caused so much chaos, who knew?

Now if I can convert one of peeps smoothie makers into a pea soup maker there may well be hope to save us peaceable loving folk from any more fear and stress! I’m open for recipes should anyone have one?

What of the environmental impact of this soup I hear you say, and well you might, but there I can safely say I have the answer too. Once the soup has done its job in blanketing out the fireworks I can sell it for charity. If it catches on a could even do a pea and ham fog, and for vegetarians apparently pea and mint is lovely!

Mind you I can think of one downside to this plan, can you imagine the mess on the palace doormat and carpets, not to mention peeps wool duvet, not that that would be me, 100%  absolutely definitely not me. Mouses!

Lost and Found

Well it has finally come to that time of year when peeps change their clocks… “what for” I found myself saying the first time I heard about it, aren’t the clocks up to the task, has some better sort of clock come around that made all previous versions obsolete? heck the clock industry must be a mighty productive one with all those clocks and watches being changed for ones exactly the same as those they replaced.

Then 6 months later peep changed those clocks back again, to ones that looked the same as those they’d been changed to and from. Confused I most definitely was, and clearly there was some sort of dissatisfaction amongst peeps with their time, and I, being an enquiring sort of a Princess, needed to know!

But alas, as is the way with these things, training my new peep and other duties around the palace sort of side tracked me and before I knew it I had forgotten it. Which does rather raise the question if I had known about it before I knew about it and then forgotten about it, would I not have forgotten about it or would i have just forgotten sooner than before? Mouses!

Well this year I’m determined to get to the root of this matter as those pesky clocks have changed again! Yep, just as peep had settled down into a routine its all change again, or not, as in reality I think them clocks haven’t actually changed not in the corporeal sense, its just time that’s gone back to as it was six months ago. Hmm… but I’m still here and not where I was 6 months ago, at least I think I’m am, hang on let me check the diary…

********sound of pages turning********

Ah-ha here it is…. Sunday 29 March…..

To do list for Sunday, Day of Rest:

1) As Saturday 28 March 2015.

2) Take shorter naps to look out for missing hour which peep says he will have lost today,

2a) Take extra naps to make up for shorter ones.

3) Consider inventing time travel device to get peeps time back and my missing nip mice.

3a) Forget 3 as remembered Nerissa and Seville over at @Nerissaslife have already invented it.

4) Order extra cream to replace that which will be lost in missing hour.

5) Move item 4 to item 1a

Yep, just as I thought, I’m definitely here as in today here in October, rather than here as in here (or is it there?) in March, as I can remember that cream was particularly tasty, though in truth I cant recall getting past item 2a!

However, to redress my… er… oversight, I have tried looking for this missing hour myself. Well in my capacity as estate manager its my duty to ensure peep is on top form and every hour is available for him to work rest and play. The latter is most important of course, and it is incumbent on us felines with peeps to ensure that they are healthy in heart and mind and soul, and what better way than play.

Whether it be nip mice or wands or just a well timed tickle under the chin, mine that is, us cats need to insist on that quality time with peeps to relieve them from the drudgery of everyday work and household chores, kitchen duties excepted of course. Well there are limits to things, and we don’t have an electric can opener. Just saying peeps.

Anyways with investigating head on I had covered every bit of both the ‘Day Estate’ and the ‘Night Estate’ as I like to call them, leaving no sparrow unruffled in search of a shred of evidence as to the hours whereabouts.

What are these estates I hear you say? Well the day estate is that which you peeps can see when you look out on yours and our world, (mainly during the day) the birds bees squirrels trees etc, whilst the night estate is… Well, maybe I shouldn’t tell you, as its a kind of magic. Hmm… OK I will, but do keep it secret.. The best way to describe it is those things we cats can do, those skills we have that you peeps don’t. Its a kind a magic that has been lost to you through time or arrogance, and in part its the ability to see and hear and taste things at the minutest level, like the sound of a blade of grass moving or see a mouse’s breath or find direction where there is none.

Now I bet you’ve all seen many a cat sitting in a window staring out in a seemingly lazy daze, and might have thought it was just being lazy. OK, the burden of proof is a bit difficult to establish that it wasn’t, but take my word for it there is a very very good chance that fellow feline isn’t having a nap or a senior moment as you you peeps like to call it, but is actually scanning the undergrowth and calculating and memorising umpteen different things from trajectories velocities to which leaf provides best cover and why that mouse over there, third from the left, in the bush, has just moved…did YOU see it?

Well all this adds up to why we work so hard and need those naps you know. Its tough being on top of ones game 24/7 and it takes continual practice, hours of meditation and a good diet. Failing that, I do what any self respecting Princess would do, I jump on it! Purrs

Anyhows, after a thorough and comprehensive investigation I can categorically state that besides being way darker at night, there was no sign of that lost hour, not unless it snuck past whilst I had that nah…um… closed meeting under the Hawthorn bush. OK so maybe a minute may have got by me, but what’s that between friends?

Hmm, on second thoughts, and that saying is clearly wrong as I’m fairly certain this is the fourth of the day (NOTE TO SELF: get Miss Description to check on that) it may be this time loss thing is some sort of illness that affects peeps and makes them run around get stressed sleep badly and generally run out of time.

Only the other week I was sat in the Crystal Tower when I spotted some peeps hurtling around the outlying territories on those bicycles. Not just ordinary cycling peeps, no ma’am, but those with funny shaped heads, and were clearly bent on catching up with that lost time as they had clad themselves in a tight sort of material that stuck to them like vacuum packaging to a salmon. Mouses!

Now peep tells me, so desperate is their need for speed to catch this missing time that they shave the hairs off their body in case these should stick through the packaging and slow them down! They even go so far as to dress in black so not only can’t other peeps see them, but the time doesn’t either, sort of stealth mode I guess?

I really cant see this catching on in the cat world, being hairless that is, even our cousins the Sphynx Cats aren’t totally hairless, think of the immodesty of it all not to mention the extra expense of all those new cat suits we’d have to buy. And as for cycling, I think that vacuum packed look would really cramp our free flowing natural poise and elegance not to mention generate so much static we’d be shocking everyone. Ouch!

In fact the more I think of it, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed this too, but peeps seem to be dashing around everywhere in the world, and this could well be a global peepastrophy in the making… and worse than that, its a catastrophe! Heck, think of all those miss-timed meals and disturbed naps we’d have to face if this is allowed to persist. Mouses

But, what if there was an antidote, a way of ironing out that lost hour so it sort of spread across the whole year….?

**********rattle of calculator keys**********

Yep, it says here that it would be 10 seconds a day, give or take a bit, which no doubt be to allow for expansion & contraction in the summer and winter months. purrs

Hmm… maybe peep could cope with losing that, being only ten seconds, after all its not a lot and there are bound to be places where he could lose it and not notice. In fact he could lose a couple of seconds pouring some extra cream and a few more later allocating more treats and that would about do it for sure.

Now clearly if you are losing ten seconds a day you should be able to find ten seconds too. Now it couldn’t be at the same time as you lost it as that would be way to confusing and I’m fairly sure peep would faint, heck it might even cause some sort of  space time rift paradox or a black hole that would consume the palace and worse still, all that extra cream and nip. Mouses!

No, all things considered I think its best not to be mixing those two up, for sure. Maybe peep can find that time later, in the evening maybe by coming home earlier from work and catching it unawares and using that time for extra chin rubs. Of course one sure way would be by getting an electric can opener, would open my tins in half the time. Just saying peeps. purrs

Yes I can see how this would work very well, for the betterment of all peep society, boosting cream and treat production and sales and thus the economy.

Of course us cats would have a heavy burden to bear to ensure that it all works, but I wont complain, me being a princess and all, and whilst it will be a strain I think that its one my tumm… sorry… my princesses shoulders can bear.

Now about making this antidote recipe, I wonder if I’ll need more nip and cream?

***********                      ***********

Dedicated to the memory of a very good friend to us all, Nerissa the Cat who passed over the rainbow bridge 6 months ago today. Oh to be able to turn back time….

(published 30.10.15)

WAKE UP!!

Wake up peep, wake up.

Oh I don’t know, you spend all night on the til…. er…..on the estate working your claws to the quick and come home and what do you find, well in my case this morning like many mornings recently, peep has been fast asleep in bed! Can you believe it! he has but a couple of things to do and he sleeps on the job. Mouses

Well actually he was asleep on top of my emergency larder which is under the bed, the job’s down stairs but that’s a mute point peep says. Well I think its mute, or maybe is it moot? well that’s a mute or moot point in itself for sure. Mind you it could just be a ‘strong and silent’ kind of point?

Anyways, the point (mute, moot or otherwise) is these peeps need watching and chivvying along else they get bad habits, yep they can slip and slide and go off the rails for sure. Where these rails are I don’t know, probably some sort of training aid that peeps have, but off them they seem to go and my peep seems to be on the slide too, though that could be the water he keeps spilling from my bowls. I really do need to get him some of those proximity sensors like the trucks have when reversing, could attach them to his bunny slippers for when he’s haring around.

Come on peep, WAKE UP!

****RUSTLING OF WOOL DUVET SOUNDS****

Hmm….clearly the diplomatic approach isn’t working, though you’d have thought me standing on his chest would have got him going….time maybe for a helping paw. Now which bit can I see……ah,  I think that’s an ear sticking out from under that wool duvet, yep an ear it is then……

****MUFFLED GROANS****

My peeps just seems to spend too much time in bed and it’s addling his mind I swear. Whether it’s the aftermath of losing his papa or stopping up late I’m not sure, but it really plays havoc with the days work schedules I’ve prepared for him,  and my nap time. purrs

Now take the other day for instance, I barely managed to get peep packed off to work before it was time to settled into doing some accounting for the estate. Let me tell you a princess has to turn her hand to many things, and those sheep do need counting just in case they jump back over that fence and run away. Oh yes, them sheep can do that you know, even the wool duvet has been known to sneak off the bed. Though to be honest I’m not sure how many sheep there’s meant to be, peep doesn’t either, does anyone?

Anyways, just as I’d started counting, peep comes back home and starts rummaging in his draws like a peep possessed, which is ironic as he was clearly a peep un-possessed of something, else why bother rummaging?

Now the rules state that when peep comes home its time for a meal, doesn’t have to be breakfast, any meal will do so long as its for me. So down to the kitchens I headed and assumed my place on the throne, with best modest head tilt and ‘I’m ready’ look.

Well, after much grumbling and clearly no luck, peep runs back out to the car and drives off, without so much of a whiff of anything enticing, or even unenticing! Well of all the nerve, let me tell you this princess was left wide empty mouthed and officially miffed. Mouses!

Re-composing myself, I’d just headed back upstairs to the accounts room when peep bursts back in to the palace. Well, bursts is a bit dramatic as we still have a front door, but the thought was there and if it hadn’t been for the heavy bolts, chains, locks, latches, catches, lions and sundry trip hazards I’m fairly sure he would have burst.

Best qualify that, it wasn’t him bursting, it was the door, heck a bursting peep would have been a calamity for sure, the cleaners weren’t due for another week, and there are bills to pay.

A-ha! I thought, then realized the 80’s popular music group weren’t due round that day that it must be peep back to feed me! Clearly those little grey cells were moving slowly so he’d probably just realized he’s forgotten. Heading back downstairs, I again ascended the throne and awaited a special (and no doubt double size) meal due to the tardiness of the chef.

Now if you were a betting sort of a cat then I would wager you would never guess what happened next! Oh, well yes knowing my peep you probably would, OK wager off.

BUT, if you don’t know my peep then ignore the preceding and I’ll wager a bag of nip and a block of that finest three year old Canadian Cheese that you just couldn’t guess. Incidentally that Canadian cheese, if you happen to have some (which we don’t) is brilliant on a nip cracker with a light cream nip liqueur, and there’s no better way to spend an upcoming evening with ones friends. Just saying peeps.

Anyways I digress….So there was I regally sat on the throne when peep, who’d been scattering sundry items around in the kitchens, came out and spotted me. Now it has to be said that, with all due respect for my station and stature, he knelt before me and…… and….. he just patted me on the head and legged it upstairs only to sprint back down seconds later, cell phone in hand, and straight out the door. Jilted again and left high, dry and treatless on the throne, again!

Did you see that coming? as I didn’t, and I’d have lost that bet for sure!

Wake up PEEP!

PEEP WAKE UP!

Hmm…clearly the soft touch with a cold paw didn’t cut it. Well I hate to do it, but its for his own good, yep its time for the claw! Now I could go for the pate, though with that pillow in the way things are a bit limited. Hmm.. maybe it I totter on over that there arm and sort of balance on that there leg like….so, then…yep we have movement and if I’m not mistaken that there is a nostril, yep got it. Now if I can just get the claw in there and …………….

“OoooooW! ERINNN! that HURT!”

****FURTHER MOANS GROANS & MUFFLED CURSING SOUNDS****

Get up peep

Peep, GET UP!

Well the long and the short of it all was I didn’t get anything, not a treat or a meal or anything remotely palatable. Duly noted it was, in my book of things to duly note.

Oh yes, I keep a book about things that go on at the palace so come the end of year when I have to conduct a review of the staff, I can say what’s been good and what’s not, and where peep has fallen down on the job…. though to be fair it was one of my nip mice that caused that falling down, so best really not bring it up. Another of those mute points I suspect, though the mouse did have a squeak. Mouses!

Anyways, come the end of year, which seems to be around about Christmas (so anywhere between mid October when the shops start selling Christmas fare, and December 24th when the Easter goods arrive) I gets all the staff in to the great hall and give them an appraisal.

Yep, I know what your thinking, and you’d be right, or maybe wrong dependent if you got it right or wrong in the first instance. Though don’t worry if you did get it wrong, just go back a paragraph and choose again and I’m sure you’ll find you got it right, in which case you’ll be thinking…. Now where was I? No, that’s what I’m thinking not what you’ll be thinking, though maybe you will, and will want a coffee too, just to get through it all, which to be fair is what I’m going to do right now. Hang on and I’ll be back in a jiffy….

OK I’m back now, and that coffee was very creamy in deed, in fact, I cant recall tasting the coffee at all. Hmm…. I knew I’d forgotten something. Mouses!

Where was I, oh yes, the review. Well I line the staff up and give them a good stare and then tell them how they’ve done and where they need to improve. Now this does seem to end up pretty much a one way conversation, but I’m fairly certain I get the point across, a good stare and a swish of the tail is enough to keep them on their toes.

Those that do well I present with a mouse or a ‘mou’ or ‘ouse’ depending what’s around, a token of my thanks and all. You may well say that is not quite generous, but giving and receiving of mice, fractions or not, is a most serious business so one has to be consistent and not overdo the reward given or accept too great a reward oneself for the great job done, should it be seen as favouritism or currying favour.

Now can someone get Miss Description to see me on that one as I’m fairly certain I’ve never seen curried cream or mice, and they are my favourites for sure.

Now, back to my peep and getting him up. Hmm where was that mouse pal of mine?…Ah, here we go, one I caug…er….invited earlier. Now if I just drop this on the duvet and stand back and……………..

“Eeeeeeeek! Erin! What the…………NO! Not on the bed, NOOO………….”

****DUVET FLIES OFF BED****

Et Voila! Now that’s what I call a get up and go early morning alarm mouse. Mouses!

Ah, peep, as you happen to be up, maybe you can feed me before you head off to work. You will be late you know, well late if you get up in an hours time, but pays to be early for sure, even when your late it pays to be early so your not so late.

What’s that you say? Saturday you say, no work you say, when did this happen? I need at least a weeks notice for giving holidays, heck cant have peeps just not going to work willy-nilly, nope just won’t do at all. Mouses

And anyways, if you oversleep Saturday it’ll put you out for Sunday and then where will that leave Monday? Probably half way into Tuesday and that wouldn’t do at all, no ma’am, and this kitties meal schedule would be all over the palace, and place for sure!

Nope, a peep is best to start his day the Princess Way, after all, a mouse a day helps you work and me rest and play.

Now, if you’ll bring my breakfast up to me, I’ll get on with accounting them sheep! purrs

What every Kitty needs

   Gadgets here and gadgets there, heck you cant go anywhere here at the palace without tripping over something electrical. I jest not, at last count we had acquired 4 computers, 5 mice (peeps I hasten to add), 3 electric fans, 8 mobile phones, 7 palace phones, 2 blenders and more digital clocks than you can shake a bag of treats at. Mouses!

Now don’t get me wrong, some gadgets are worth having, and I do feel ever kitty should have an electric can opener. Stands to reason cat food should be got at quickly so it doesn’t go off and those manual ones are such a struggle for peeps to use quickly.

Alas as we haven’t got one I haven’t actually tripped over it, so cant actually say I need to justify having one…but if I did and I had tripped over it, which of course I wouldn’t have as I’d be admitting I was on the work surface (which is forbidden in the palace kitchens), then I would most definitely have to say every kitty needs one of these, absolutely and unequivocally need one, maybe even two. Just saying peeps.

Now I’m all for recycling, stands to reason if you can reuse something then its better, and I find that works brilliantly with mice, play with them then eat them, two uses for one, three if you count keeping the cleaners busy. But I do rather wonder at the merits of 15 telephones of one description or another, I mean think of the call costs if you decided to use each simultaneously. Mouses!

Not that peep could of course, he’s his hands full keep track of our land line phone and his cellphone, the pair he says he needs as some calls are cheaper than others, which I suspect is on account of those sparrows not doing a lot from dusk till dawn, well not unless they’re on those U Pad things. purrs

If truth be known I think really the only reason he has either is so when he loses one or the other he needs the other or the one to find the one or other we cant find.

   Yep, my peep must be the only peep who can lose a land line telephone. Cellphones you sort of expect due to size and being as slippery as a goldfish, but the land line phone? And its not just any sort of a phone, no ma’am, its an extra large cordless phone for the elderly or hard of hearing with a loud ring and flashing lights. Believe me, no way anyone is napping through one of those guys, like the New Years day celebrations and 4th July all rolled into one. Mouses!

Now I think of it, I don’t really know why he has one as he’s not hard of hearing…. what’s that you say peep? what? pardon? oh, OK, peeps says it just happens to be for the hard of hearing and really he got it as it was cordless. Did I mention it had big buttons a loud speaker and hearing aid compatible? Just saying.

Anyways I think most of the problems start because peep turns the volume off on his phones. Yep he has phones and turns the volume off so he wont be disturbed. Now this is fine if you can find the phones, but mostly they take it in turns to vanish, and strangely its always the one peep needs that’s gone, probably some sort of union thing going on and distribution of labour.

Now if you want to see my peep in a panic its well worth coming round when he has lost a phone, and it all seems to go rather like this…

1) Sudden discovery that phone isn’t where it should be, or rather where it was last seen or thought to be seen and not actually where it should be which is in its charging cradle.

2) Increase in blood pressure and a rapid check of all surrounding clothes and known haunts of said phones eg under the bed or in furry slippers.

3) Searches of unlikely places such as laundry basket, kitchen cupboards and fridge and then the car.

4) Now at this stage peep usually comes and has a chat and asks if I’ve seen the offending phone, and usually offers extra nip and cream rations if I got out of bed to help search. Whilst this offer is very nice, I really cant see myself chasing an inanimate object, where’s the fun in that, especially when watching peep run about is way more exciting. purrs

5) With all else failed, the last resort seems to be to telephone the offending phone and see if it can be traced that way. Now I don’t know why he does this as (a) the telephone cant answer being a phone and all and (b) with the ringer turned off he’s not got much hope unless he can hear it vibrating or see some flashing lights, not that he’s deaf of course.

6) By this stage we have reached desperation point, the blood pressure tablets are out and I see a peep almost broken and most definitely late for work and possibly even the end of the universe judging by the state of things.

Now its usually at this point that the phone breaks cover and gives itself up from peeps inside pocket or shoulder bag or the charging cradle attached to some obscure extension lead where it has been all along. Who’d have thought of looking where it was meant to be, who’d have thought?

Now talking of extension leads, and like the surplus phones, the palace has been overrun with them since peep rescued them all from his papa’s house, and we’ve sort of become an adoption center where there is no actual adoption. They have their place of course, for sure, extending the reach of the electric can opener, should you have one, just saying.

But I swear they are actually breeding, last week in fact I was under the bookcase, researching a historical find I hasten to add, when I came across 2 baby leads in plastic bags, sort of embryos you might say, no longer than 6 inches. Now frankly they were way too small to be actually useful in fact if you had plugged them together they wouldn’t have reached the floor from the wall socket.

What peep wants with all these I don’t know, but we now have sufficient to circumnavigate the estate and plug every electrical power device on one floor to an outlet on another. Its even getting so you cant take a leisurely stroll or a nap without a coil of of one lead or another descending like a serpent from a hook to snare you or tangle your paws whilst stalking your lunch.

Nope, I think I need to give peep a hand and sort things out, else what are friends for if not to help get a neat palace to nap…sorry to share.

Yes a princesses work is to help those in need, to help peeps to make decisions, awkward as they may be, such as how many phones to keep, the length of peeps extension lead and what can opener to buy.

Its all selfless of course, but even now sat on the duvet in anticipation, I’m get a warm glow, a tingly feeling and a bit of a buzz of something good to come.

Yep, this princess is drawing a line right here for the sake of peeps sanity, putting my paw down and……. Oooh what’s this I’ve slept on? Hmm…. feels sort of phone like, even glows………… like a phone…………  Ooops. Mouses!

 

The Fast and Furry(est)

Now my peep has been away from home for a while helping make plans for the funeral for his dearly departed father, which has left me in charge of not only the estate but also the palace and staff. Well, in truth with peeps away the staff are a bit thin on the ground (as well as in the hair department), but it’s the thought that counts and I can still order him around, just not at this time, sort of stack things up till he gets back, bit like the washing up.

   Now it seems these funeral things take a bit of sorting out. You need to invite all those that want to come and those that should come and those who may have known the deceased and those that did know. Also you have to arrange for flowers, pictures and the like and even gifts for those that attend the cemetery. There’s also music and prayers to be sorted and the best peeps speech, sorry no that’s not right, a speech by a best peep, for sure, about the dearly departed’s life, work and family. After that there is where to hold a meal as a sort of send off do and then the whole menu thing starts and caterers….phew… I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

To top it off it seems like it all this has to be done and dusted within a set period of minutes too, so the next family can come in and have there turn and service. Who’d have ever thought it would be so stressful and there would be a queue to go to heaven, and time slots and the like. I wonder if they take advance bookings?

Now I’m told once you die your estate gets passed on to your family, but before it does, the government comes along and checks to see if you have too much, and if you do, takes some of it for themselves, without so much of a by your leave. Heck whatever next, will they be after our cream supply or the knitted nip pillows and mice. Mouses!

You know apparently if you put all your property into trust then it sort of bypasses the grasp of the government and goes to whoever your trust wants it to go to. Now all of that supposes that you trust anyone enough to leave them with your nip and cream supply, and if you did, would they necessarily want it especially after it had been in trust for more than a few weeks. Not even the best fridge will keep cream that long, a mouse maybe but not cream. Not even extra thick or double cream or even that long life cream could stand the test of time to that degree and could end up with more fur than the mouse! OK, I got to admit that maybe the nip could last, but we all know there is nothing better than a fresh stash of nip, straight from the plant and/or freshly dried is best…ahhh…………………..

****Please, if you will, imagine a short passage of time……. 3 days later!****

   Ooops! sorry got a bit carried away there, one reverie lead to another thing and that furry thing ran so very fast I near ran off the estate. You know it doesn’t go down well that, treading on other princesses grounds, no ma’am, no matter the time and especially if on the hunt. Then what with napping time and peep coming home I’ve sort of been busy again in the palace checking out boxes and bags that have once more arrived. Heck, pretty much all the floor space has gone again, bar of course for my area, nothing goes there, but it is starting to look a bit besieged by them boxes for sure.

They’re boxes of memories peep says, memories of a distant time and place, those of his brothers, sisters and parents and their homestead. The funeral has come and gone and now there is but silence to fill the void for those that remain. But from the contents of those boxes it is hoped the sounds of memories will fill the air and their lives once more, and raise a smile, or bring a tear to help heal the wounded heart and mind and soul.

   Peep must move on, and I shall help him and my blog friends are helping him, and so together we must drive a path through those thickets of future dread and present woe and past regret that have suddenly appeared. Seems all these things come and stand in the way of coming to terms with loss and moving on. Moving on to see the light and green fields of pastures new, which is truly what those that have gone would wish us to do.

I do think the best start will be to get things organised, so I’ve ordered a new bookcase for peep, 7 peep feet (or 84 cat paws) high and a good 3 feet wide so he can put a lot of his new things in a place to see and touch, but not always so much on show as to be a constant hurt. I did manage to get one that was raised off the ground, important that when it comes to recovering stray guests and also to get the vacuum under. Not that I do such things myself of course, but there’s nothing worse than a fast and a furious chase under a book case and coming out looking furrier than you’d gone in. Mouses!

Well every journey worth travelling needs a hearty meal (or more it seems) to help it along, so I rather thought I would do some cooking to help out, rustle up a special for us both. Alas peep has been intent on eating fast food of his own, pizza and chips. Not together mind, heavens no, but just about every day this week. At one point I swear I even saw a pizza slide under the bed. OK to be fair it was dark at the time and NO I hadn’t been at the cheese though I had had some nip and a mouse round that evening but still, who’d have thought it?

Well I did, at least for a bit until I did a recon in my emergency larder (which is also under the bed) and found it was just the supermarket pizza packaging peep had been reading that evening in bed. He’s been doing a lot of that, comfort eating in bed, the kittipedia says its eating as a distraction to other things, problems and stress. Hmm, if he persists he’ll get so fat he’ll get stressed and be comfort eating to forget about being so fat from comfort eating, and then where will he be? Stuck in bed comfort eating for sure!

   Well this all got me thinking, what if peeps fast food was just that, and came with legs and arms and they had to chase it around? Heck, I reckon them peeps would either get fit or starve, and the supermarkets would be in chaos with tins and packets scurrying, leaping and flying everywhere. You’d have to go shopping with nets, and of course you’d probably end up with products ganging together to defend themselves and being attacked by tins of baked beans and plastic trays of curries. Mind you those can get you in other ways later on too, least ways that was peeps excuse. Mouses!

There is a lot to be said for simple good honest food. Home made, home grown is best, additive free, and naturally low sugar and fat, except of course for cheese and cream, they need to be cheesy and creamy to be themselves and nice and yummy….ahhh……….

Ooops, nearly drifted off again. Now where was I, ah yes…. There’s a lot to said about the natural life, and I don’t mean naturism oh no, far too embarrassing that. No, I mean simple foods, simple ways of living with less gadgets and chemicals in the home. Increased activity would bring increased purpose and satisfaction, as well as health and thus happiness which in turn leads to less illness and disease and more peace in society and the world harmony.

Hmm, OK maybe changing the world is too big a leap from pizza and chips so maybe I can get peep onto mice, that would be a good start to things natural, plain and simple fare. No on second thoughts best not, I’d be forever going shopping and that would ruin my quality nap time. What I think we’ll start with is getting some exercise, chasing mice is good, tones the muscles and builds character and stamina. I will supervise of course, a trainer needs a proven track record and a certain flare for teaching, and rest assured if he catches any I will there to help sort the necessary post training debrief and support. After all, its not going to be often I’ll get my tea caught for me. purrs

In search of meaning…

OK…..so I succumbed. It was only a small succumb and no one would really have noticed, not unless they found the evidence…. Hmm I don’t think that’s the right phrase, *clatter of keys* no apparently the Kittipedia says you don’t get a small ‘succumb’, all out of context and apparently bad grandma, whoever she may be. That’s one for Miss Description for sure, as what an errant pensioner has to do with my blog I don’t know…. Oh…. yep got it, sorry a bit of a typo there, that should be ‘bad grammar’. Anyways, what can I use instead? hmm… ‘fall’ maybe? Nope, cats don’t fall we jump and perform aerial ballet and always mean to land and do what we do. No, I need another word for sure.

Now where is peeps when I need him…. Oh….Ah….yes, yes the truth is I don’t know where exactly he is, just that he has gone away to another part of the country, to where he used to live, to see his brothers and sisters and family.

I do however know that sadly his papa has just passed away, and the dementia that I wrote about recently has taken his life. In the last days this terrible disease robbed him not only of his memories but his strength and the will to eat and drink. He remembered those from yesteryear, and the streets of his teenage years my peep says but sadly not those most dear to him in the present. An infection took hold and ever so gently into sleep he did slip. There was no pain, no hurt for him, just a slowing and then…..

I know I don’t fully understand these things, these emotions, the conflict of both feeling of loss and also relief for the release from distress and confusion that had ruled his last few weeks. But I can share them with my peep, and be there when he returns and together we can move forwards. Sharing and caring are things we can both do together, like sharing the at risk cats in New York or the plight of the stray cats in Annapolis County and the peeps that wont change a by-law that gives them power to “sell cats” as they can’t see the implications and don’t want to admit they are wrong.

Caring and sharing is a good thing, maybe it should be enshrined in all cultures and societies and countries as a LAW. Heck who knows where it may lead? world peace, no famine or disease; now there’s a thought. Mouses!

I must keep busy, no point both of us getting upset and stressed else things wont get done and that’s not good for the estate management, for sure. Mouses!

Now, where was I ah yes, ‘succumb’….Maybe if I had resisted the urge, drawn strength from my worldly wisdom (and peep threatening to cut off my cream supply) and made that last effort. But no, I just couldn’t help myself, all down to instinct taking over. You just cant take it out of the cat, and that’s a fact, in fact fact has cat in it which proves a point, I think?

Maybe small ‘lapse’ would do? hmm…sounds more like exercise to me, and us cats don’t really do that sort of thing on account of our natural poise and elegance and all round super fit nature. OK, I know what your thinking, well I don’t but if you will excuse the presumption some of you most probably are or will be thinking of what I’m thinking your thinking and therefore its not unreasonable that I do think that whatever it was I was thinking you may be thinking about what I haven’t yet said would be one and the same, but I may be wrong. To clarify some of you may be thinking OK what about those fat cats we see? Now if you were thinking that please skip the preceding and carry on from here:- And you would be right to raise that point, but these poor afflicted cats cant help their size, as sometimes its just big bone structure or other times forced by peer pressure within the home to have big meals, treats, cream and cheese. Couple this with inadequate stimulation i.e. mouse hunts, poor exercise regimes or no gym membership and these girls and guys seek refuge and become the stereotypical fat cat.  That said put a nip pillow their way and watch that kitty fly, baby!

No, what I’m after is a word or phrase that full defines the gravity of the matter, or lack of anyway. Hmm…may be a ‘transgression’? nah too military. How about ‘hiccup’? nope too medical. I know, it was a small ‘glitch’, sounds technical and infers computer involvement which as we all know is prone to such ‘glitch’ things and misdoings and you just got to look around and there are glitches everywhere. Heck there are so many they may have been breeding which is where my small glitch came from, huh?

Mind you that does rather imply I’m run by a computer, and that I’m surely not. No computer could ever have this princesses curves, good looks and modesty, not to mention….well you get the gist. So scrub that one, what we need is a thesaurus, and before anyone says anything, that’s not related to a large sea mammal.

Now where does peep keep that one? Ah-ha, found it! *sound of pages flicking* Crumbs, apparently there’s dozens of alternate words for succumb, this isn’t going to be easy. Hows about ‘bowed’? hmm…I think that’s for male cats, I’d curtsy for sure.

Mouses! this is way more difficult than it seems, makes you appreciate bloggers like Nerissa and Seville, seasoned professionals for sure, and I don’t mean mint coriander or nip! No ma’am these guys have a word for everything (‘all’ it says in my thesaurus) and every word a winner. purrs

Hang on a mo! *visualise a penny dropping* that’s it! Eureka, Mouses! or more particularly ‘mouse’ is the answer. The words I needed to put in were ‘a small mouse’. Well look at that, it was on the tip of my tongue (there was a bit on whiskers too but not mentioning that). How ironic that what I need was the reason for my fall from grace, and due to that one momentary lapse when I yielded to a primeval instinct, I transgressed peeps new code and formula for a more harmonious ecologically balanced society.

Lets not beat about the bush, which strangely was exactly what I was doing when said temptation came my way, but lets call it what it was and is, I ate a mouse, well two actually but they were very small hardly a meal at all, and you know what those takeaways are like, have one then half an hour later you want another. Mouses!

All said and done, I think nature is best left to do what nature is good at, which unsurprisingly isn’t anything to do with war or pillaging resources or polluting the environment, but keeping things in balance. You don’t after all have computer glitches with nature, though it has to be said that last mouse gave me hic-hic-hiccups… Mouses!