The Palace

Well what a Christmas I had, I do hope you all had a good time too?

Santa dropped off a fabulous present for me Christmas morning, it was just what I wanted, all in purple and NO tassel’s, which would clearly have got way too wet.

In fact the new Palace sign is purrfect and says it all, by which I mean it say “The Palace” which is after all what it should say, being The Palace after all. Purrs

I am hoping peep will get around to putting it up soon though, on account of getting the post delivered correctly. Now maybe its the sheer size of the old place that confuses them or maybe the lions that put those delivery peeps off, but things just seem not to turn up. Take for instance my electric can opener.

OK, fair point you cant as I don’t have one, and if I did I wouldn’t actually want you to take it as I would only just have got it. By it of course I mean the electric can opener, with gold trim, page 92 of the catalogue, which would have been here had it been delivered, which it hasn’t. Just saying peeps, just in case one should happen to turn up unexpected like. purrs

In fact I may have just mentioned, possibly hinted at in one of my posts. Speed up efficiency and streamline delivery of things. What every kitty should have, for sure, that and unlimited supply of nip and cream. Oh and boxes too. Not forgetting  also that lovely 3 year old mature Canadian Cheddar.purrs

Anyways, there have been many great blogs posts over the Christmas season of Peace and Goodwill, in fact it turns out from my pal Seville’s blog, link:- “The Mysterious Christmas Ornament”, that Rudolph had been kidnapped and held hostage by  some wicked snowmen, in an attempt to ruin Christmas. Can you imagine?

Thankfully Seville and his sister Mason saved the day, nay, in fact saved the night when they freed Rudolph and he was able to help Santa. No wonder he was short on time when he visited me. Mind you, I do think Santa can stop time, so must have one of those stop watch things.

And just the other week Maxwell, over at A Tonks Tale published a truly great post, link:- “Maxwell’s Theory of Everything” on the theory of wormholes manifesting around the litter tray. It has to be said the guy looked so cool in his white coat, and shirt and tie. And I do like a well dressed scientist. purrs

Anyways there was a slight technical hitch and, well, things seem to have gone slightly awry on the calculations front. But as we all know this science stuff isn’t an exact science so a little egg on face in the early days is to be expected, and as they say, you cant make an omelette without cracking eggs.

Now why they say that I don’t know, as you wouldn’t have an omelette without cracking them at least it would be a very hard omelette, and more than crunchy, which begs the question did the omelette come before the egg or was it a chicken that came before the omelette.. Hmm complicated, I’ll get back to you on that once I’ve checked with a few hens. purrs.

Well, a new year and a new blog, and I’ve promised Santa that I will be even better this year than last, not that I’m bad, heck no, I am a model princess, and seek daily to help better those around me at the Palace and in the surrounding environs.

In fact I don’t let a day go by without trying to improve health and safety for my peep and the staff.

Just the other day I enacted a new cooking rule in the kitchens, namely “Thy must not leave the wok unattended in the kitchen so that 4ft flames burst forth and singe the ceilings.” Yep, and given what ensued I had to enact another law which said “Thy must not run through the palace with woks exuding 4ft flames, or flames of a great or lesser size.” This was closely followed by “Thy must not leave burning woks on the drawbridge by the wood store and near my cat door.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the chef trying exotic cuisine, heck we live in a multicultural society and I was rather keen to try Thai stir fried mice in a creamy white nip sauce, but I do have a limit on the amount of charcoal I like in my food, not to mention the amount of non stick coating, that quite frankly wasn’t, as it had come off the wok and was now stuck to the food. Mouses!

On the plus side, and there is always a plus side, we have a new weapon in the Palace’s arsenal, and any unwelcome guests, (including double glazing sales persons) should they happen to get past the lions, will now be met with the promise of a well singed Chinese stir fry meal with nonstick coating and 4ft flames. Mouses!

I have to admit one other good thing that has come from this culinary disaster, is that peep has instructed the chef to cook vegetarian food from now on, with a view to saving the environment and the Palace from untold disaster and to improve his well being.

Now bearing the latter in mind, Christmas day promised to be quite interesting on account of the kitchen staff had been given the day off, and so I had little hope of anything hot being served and a real possibility that peep may well have starved. I say starved, of course peep would have had beans on toast and a dry white wine, but that hardly counts as festive. purrs

Anyways at times like this I am always ready to jump in and take charge of matters, well being head of the Palace comestibles ordering team, and Estate Manager, I feel its my duty to have the fall back position covered, just in case.

Now as mice are currently in short supply, no doubt something to do with EU regulations on working hours and an apparent housing shortage crisis in the UK, I wasn’t able to make the usual festive contribution. So two days before I sent peep out to purchase a vegetarian chicken roll with potato and Brussels sprouts (six of only as you don’t want too many of those little guys in peeps diet, oh no, pesky little things, cause no end of digestive issues. Mouses!

All was going well until peep forgot to bring the shopping home on the last day of work. Hmm, best laid plans of Cats and Mice huh, never trust a peep to do a cats job, next time I will order in. purrs

Anyways, with the fall back position compromised, the reserve fall back position was to send peep out shopping again. Now from what I’m told, as I never go shopping myself on account of the shopping trolleys being badly sized for us cats to sit in, and the absence of a personal shopper, shopping on this day is more akin to a Nightmare before Christmas with bedlam in the isles than it is a polite social occasion. Mouses

So, some four hours, three stores, and many miles later, peep returned world weary, bruised and haggard, well more haggard than usual, with one chicken roll, 4 Brussels sprouts and a medium sized potato. Things were clearly on the up, as four sprouts were clearly better than six in my book. purrs

Well it has to be said the big day passed smoothly if somewhat manically around meal times, with long spells, mainly between meals, where we all just napped. For the effort and hours involved in the cooking, boiling, frying and tending to catering inflicted wounds, the whole eating thing took about ten minutes.

As to the washing up, as peeps had got a new outfit and shoes especially to impress me, and dressed up (rather than the usual down) for the occasion, I thought it best if we forgo the washing up, just this once. Heck I’m not that hard a taskmaster, so just I got him up early the next day to sort. purrs

All in all this Christmas festival of Peace and Goodwill to all has been quite something for a cat off the streets who had experienced, like so many have and still do, the hardships and reality of abandonment, of cruel winters and little food for my kittens and I.

My first experience of Christmas was whilst I was in a shelter, and my second, as a newly found Princess, was with my peep. I feel privileged to have found somewhere special, twice in fact, and all it took was two simple acts of kindness.

In return I have brought much needed happiness to my new family and peep #1, and to those around. OK, I have to admit the local population of mice and sparrows may be a tad more worried than they were, but I am working on the PR side of things to minimize this, honest.

But not least of all, it has to be said, I have also brought a new sense of order and purpose to the chaos that was the Palace of old, a new hand at the tiller, a fresh broom to sweep clean the dust and debris of past lives. Which reminds me those cleaners need a talking to as even Sid, the Palace spider in residence in bedroom 9, has been moaning about the dust. You know things are bad when the spider moans about cobwebs. Mouses!

Well I suppose it’s traditional at this time to look back over the year just gone, which of course you would have to as it’s now behind us, so in keeping with tradition, I cast a backwards glance over the diary, which isn’t as easy as you may think, and can safely advise that all 365 days are accounted for. In fact some even twice on account of the flashbacks and a rather unstable space time rift paradox thingy that occurred in November!

Anyways 2015 was a long year, and often a wet year, and I spent many hours cogitating in hedges the cut and thrust of social problems and Nipnomics, not forgetting helping my peep through personal crises and poor catering skills. purrs

But through it all there has been one good thing, and that has been writing this blog and reading the experiences of many fine fellow felines, through their own good times and bad, across the globe.

It is truly a huge family we all share and reach out to when we blog. You can transcended the barriers of distance and cultural divides with the press of a key and can find help advice and approval from peers in such distant, and yet strangely so very close lands such as Canada, New Zealand, Brunei, Russia, and America to name but a few.

I doubt whether there are any politicians that could better what is achieved, the peace and harmony in this diverse family, that speaks many tongues but only one language.

As to the future, well I think I will let that unfold, like the turning of pages in some magical and long sought after book, received into the hands of an expectant child.

 I wish you ALL a Peaceful and Very Happy 2016….


 ….Purrs Erin