Ah, good, now I don’t want to alarm you all but I’ve discovered something and I need to share it, but don’t let on to your peeps, OK? promise? OK? good…..

Now it all started when I got wind, well not me personally as I don’t rush my food, no I’d heard tell of a threat to our security at the Palace. In fact from whispers on the Clematis, seeing as we’ve no grapevines in the area on account of all the birds and squirrels eating everything, it seems that there’s an invasion planned during the celebration of Peace and Goodwill to ALL creation next month, and I’m not talking invading fleas either. Mouses!

Now, not being a Princess to sleep on anything when there’s a crisis to paw, well not unless its a wool duvet or a glossy magazine, I decided the best plan was to jump on the fence and head on down to see my pal young Nutts, to find out more. He’s a squirrel you know, from a long line of Nutts he tells me, hmm best not go there. purrs

Anyways Nutts has his paw on things. the vibes, mainly on account of having to hang on to those shaking branches, but he does pick up on the odd tit-bit of useful information and gossip from the bird tables he visits, and eaves dropping in all those eaves.

Now he revealed to me that he’d heard from some robins that sinister characters had started appearing in the area, and he’d even seen some leaflets about them, no doubt warning peeps to beware of visits. In fact one leaflet even went so far as to say where they thought they would be next month, presumably so peeps could steer clear or give them a piece of their minds.

Clearly this was a concern but it wasn’t until I got home and found a leaflet dropped through the Palace gate that I saw red, and decided action was called for. If peeps couldn’t stop this menace then it would be up to us felines to save the day, and without further ado I decided to form a sort of defence scheme.

Now when you are new to a neighbourhood you do tend to notice your fellow neighbours, what with getting used to your new territory and the like. And sometimes you only get to meet them when you literally bump in to each other out shopping, just like the other day……

*****image of wavy lines and backwards passage of time*****

Hmm, strange sort of wavy thing going on there, maybe a unstable space time rift paradox thingy! or a flash back? Seville, over @Nerissa’slife blog, is up on these things, I’ll ask him later.

Oh well best get on with the shopping. purrs




“Oh Hello! sorry about that,…. Aren’t you?…”

“Yes, Erin, at the palace, moved in last year. Bit of a fixer upper, but will make something of it for sure. And you? don’t you have that new house, with the… er… conservatory?”

“No, heavens no! way too modern for my taste, that’s Blossom’s house. Were not twins, though everyone thinks so. Its a scream when her peeps get us mixed up and end up feeding us both. I’m Lola by the way, I’m a few hedges away north of here, the big detached property with water feature and some rather tempting fish, live with my sister Pebbles. I’ll introduce you sometime. Moved in there last year after we rescued our peep. You know her, Bonnie, came to do your catering and entertainment when your peep was away.”

“Well I never, what a small hedge we share, and yes would love to meet Pebbles, and those fish too sometime, purrs. I know, lets all do lunch, next week sometime maybe? Tuesday is good, bring some friends too and we can have a get together and share tails. I’ll get some nice mice in, and I’ve a double cream to make you roll over and have your tummy tickled.”

“Oh well, with an invitation like that how can I say no! What time shall we say?”

“Well peep usually heads off early, so anytime after 2nd nap would be grand, lets say 10 then.”

“Yes that will be great. I’ll bring Pebbles and some nibbles. My peep has some of that Canadian 3 year old mature cheddar that would be great with that cream!”

“Well sounds like we’re sorted. See you then. purrs. Oh, don’t worry about the lions, they’re quite tame and more for show. purrs”


The day came and Lola brought Pebbles and her new friend, a young lad called Shadow, who had only recently been adopted off the streets, a bit like me. A bit less mature than I, but a brave lad to be sure, in fact Lola’s peep said that he spends his days chasing dogs that go near his peeps cottage, boys huh. Mouses!

Well you know how these parties go, everyone got to say hello, the cream flowed and the polite conversation and tour of the palace gave way to political comment and local matters. Seems I wasn’t alone amidst my fellow young companions in noticing this character appearing around the area, and we decided that an informal security group be formed to keep half an eye on things and counter the threat.

And so my dear friends, it was thus that the Palace’s newly formed ‘Neighbourhood Under Threat Surveillance’ group held its first meeting. OK, yes its not the best of names granted, I wanted Neighbourhood Invasion Threat Security but on balance having a NITS meeting in the palace each week seemed way less desirable than a gathering of NUTS, if you know what I mean. purrs

Anyways back to this invasion. It seems that these peeps are planning a mass break in at various properties throughout the area. In fact from the Intel we’ve gathered his could be a national if not global problem. Mouses!

Apparently they come disguised and where they cant find an open door or window they force entry through the roof!

Now whilst this does seem somewhat conspicuous, apparently it’s all planned for night time, so there’s a real chance most peeps will be asleep, or just out at church.

Stranger still, from what Nutts has seen in those attics, this has been going on for years and the peeps seem not to realise. Must be some sort of enchantment that makes them forget what has happened and not see the evidence of the crime and the remains of previous years break ins that the thieves have secreted away in boxes in their own homes. Mouses!

In one home Nutts even found a whole disguise, yup, fake beard, moustache the works. Makes me thing that maybe some of these burglars are known to the peeps, may be even related, and once in, they nip upstairs, get changed and go and take those poor enchanted peeps presents, mince pies and milk, and then leave. Apparently some best whisky has been known to go too as well as sundry food items and cream! Strange taste for sure, but would account for why those wanted posters show the miscreants as so fat.

Anyways, this year it isn’t going to happen. The NUTS team will be on the case, also on the sofa, the bed and on the streets. We’ll be going to on patrol day and night, between naps, and on the lookout for suspicious men with sacks and white beards, oh and red coats with fur trim. Now if you happen to see these peeps we at NUTS recommend you don’t approach, no ma’am, just observe and report to your local police.

In fact you should take all steps to ensure that your peeps don’t get invaded in the first instance by ensuring that they should not seek to attract said villains. Some simple tactics to adopt are:

1. Try to discourage your peeps from displaying presents in the home. This can be easily achieved in the first instance by shredding the wrap, though persistence is needed in this regard as those rolls of wrap are very long.

Should more wrap appear, try to hinder the process by lending a paw. Laying on both wrap and the adhesive tape can be quite rewarding and may well stop proceedings. If nothing else peeps may offer brides to desist, which is a Win Win in my book, purrs. Note of caution: adhesive tape on the fur, whilst a great ploy to keep peeps away from wrapping, can be dangerous to us cats not to mention play havoc to the fur and smarts somewhat when pulled off. Mouses!

2.  From the books I have seen, peeps are far too forgetful at this time of year regarding clearing up of food, sometimes uneaten, which will act to attract these miscreants. Accordingly, to deter house or palace intruders, you should attempt to eat any milk put out and leave hairs on the cookies. This will have a high deterrent factor as will playing with the cookies on the floor. We’re fairly certain this will have the desired effect as it works well at the Palace.

3. Now it pays, in any invasion situation, to have a good and a safe place to hi… er… observe from. Lower branches of those trees peeps like to bring in about this time of year, to help the bug population over-winter and share in the proceedings, provide good cover.  WARNING: at no point attempt to reach the sparkly thing on top of the tree, its not a light sabre or a spangly dressed squirrel. purrs

4. In the unlikely event of a breach to your own palace’s security, raise the alarm. Tried and tested methods include knocking over Christmas cards, dragging that reflective fluffy string stuff around the house and batting those shiny balls about. WARNING: those lights peeps use to help the bugs see their way around the tree are dangerous, and should be disconnected from the electricity supply before attempting concealment therein or playing with various camouflage reflective objects attached there to.

Reminding your peeps to do this before they go to bed will, more likely than not, also give the impression that the peeps are curmudgeons and nothings going on in your home. This will also avoid the risk of fire, and thus harm to the bug population should it happen to fall over in any ensuing chase/escape.

5. And finally, don’t give in to temptation. No matter how plausible the reason, these invaders will try anything to make you stray from your job. Rumour has it they may even try to mimic your very own peep in both persona and voice, and may even offer treats, and cream to make you leave your post and na… er… observe elsewhere.

OK this last bit is the hardest I agree, but we have the nations if not the planets homes and our peeps to protect, oh and of course all that nip, the treats, fresh cooked chicken and toys peeps bring out to share.

So, whether you be running interference with the peeps, patrolling, or on surveillance, lets all be safe out there.

But most of all remember it’s a time to have fun and let your hair down (NOT shedding!) and for you and your peeps to celebrate with Peace and Goodwill, a sort of no claws day….

                                                  …..Love, Peace, Purrs and Prayers to all.

1 thought on “Psst!

  1. Hi there Erin, the greatest cat princess of them all,

    Have you heard of an app called Paw Map? It’s a free phone app for pet lovers to keep their loved ones safe while outside. We’re spreading the word and I was wondering if you’d like to help us do so? We’d love to find more animal lovers in the UK to join this good cause!

    Take a peek:

    Cheers and thank you for your time,

    Teija D. / Paw Map


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