What’s that you say? Hall of weeds? I know the gardeners aren’t that good but I swear I’d have noticed grass growing IN the palace! mind you that new rug has a funny texture?
Whats that peep? its not weeds its we’en, Hall-o-we’en. Well why didn’t you say that then.
Question for you peep, what or who is Hallowe’en? and why does it or they say I cant go out tonight, after all this is my/our palace and there cant be any greater law than ours, unless of course its the Queen herself. Mouses!
OK, so maybe the Queen wont be going out either, but she has Princesses and Princes to do her bidding, and I bet they will be going out, after all they have estates too, and no doubt will have tiles to check.
What? Its foggy out? Hang on I’ll just check…… *raises an eye to window* ….yep sure is, though that sort of makes things better and easier for me. You see peeps, what with me being a Tux and thus black with princessly cute white bits, and the night being… well… black, and the fog being sort of dark and foggy, it all sort of adds to the stealth mode when tracking those miscreants.
OK, well yes, I will get damp, but that’s ok, it doesn’t usually bother me, what with my well groomed high gloss sleek… OK you get the picture, I just wont be that damp, and as to paw prints on the duvet, I deny all knowledge, absolutely 100% not me, this Princess uses the door mat, and then the carpet, never any left once I’ve got to the stairs, no ma’am, except that time with Reggie the rat in bathroom No. 1.
Anyways why can’t I go out?
WHAT! Monsters… Ghosts and Ghouls!…. the Walking Dead!… Witches! Surely not in my neighborhood, we have that ‘Neighborhood Watch’ scheme too. Clearly they must be slacking if the wrong sort of peeps are moving in. Mouses!
Fear not peeps, I will protect you, once the drawbridge is up, the portcullis down and the lion’s set loose! Yes, this princess will answer any call to arms for Queen, peep and country and deal a mighty blow for freedom against tyranny, cream shortages, zombies and…. hang on does Hallowe’en clash with that new book about cream being read on ‘A Book at Bedtime’ on Radio 4?
What’s that peep? there’ll be bangs and explosions and bright dazzling lights and …..
*pained expression and shuffling of feet* …..oh!… OH!… *bead of sweat forms and furrowing of brow*
OK, say no more peep, I can see that all these goings on will disturb and upset you loads, in fact probably more if I could think of a word weighty enough! No I can see my services are needed here, zombies or not I shall be at your side, supporting you through this terrible time.
Now if you lay on some treats and cream, get in one of those cat documentary DVD’s, I liked that one on the Aristocats, then I will go and warm the wool duvet! Sounds like a good deal to me, yup there’s no place like home when there’s pandas on the streets, for sure.
What’s that peeps? Oh yes, sorry, apparently peep says its not so much the panda but the monium that you need to look out for. Mouses!
Now all said and done I’m a pretty sturdy Princess, and I will have a go at anything and will do what any self respecting Princess would do… but these explosions are way too noisy, way too violent and way too scary for us companions and the wildlife and my peep, so what’s the point? I shall be musing on this point from under the wool duvet with peep, so if you’ll excuse me a moment, or maybe three!
A few days later……
Thankfully Hallowe’en has now come and gone, without incident, but peep says that there is way worse to come when the peeps in the UK celebrate the blowing up of parliament on the 5th of November.
Well its not actually going to be blown up, that would be way too sensible in light of the cost of running it and the reported decay, whether that was the building or the politicians they didn’t say, maybe it was both! but it is in fact a celebration of when it should have been blown up but wasn’t.
Now is it just me, but isn’t it just a bit strange having massive bonfires and blowing lots of other smaller things up to celebrate not blowing something up that that maybe should have been? Clearly they couldn’t blow the parliament building up every year, despite the benefit to keeping going the UK’s main industry of building houses, but maybe they could try celebrating NOT blow parliament up, a sort of celebration of peace and quiet?
Maybe it will catch on and shops will sell cards saluting a quiet time, peace to all mankind, pandas and politicians too. Worth a thought, bit like electric can openers. Just saying peeps.
Anyways seems like peeps don’t need much an excuse to blow something up, be it balloons or buildings (or political egos so my peep says) so come rain or shine there will be peeps outside the palace that will spend huge amounts of money, way more than I can count, and way more than the number of sheep I need to count, which my good friend and a true Gentlecat of cats, Seville, over @Neirssaslife, reliably informs me is three thousand, two hundred and twenty-nine. Mouses!
Yep, peeps are prepared to see their money go up, or not, in fire and smoke for a moment of fizzle or a deafening explosion that will leave no doubt countless pets and wildlife distraught, panicked or possibly hurt or killed, not to mention the odd house on fire and various limbs singed or peeps blinded.
So despite and amidst all the furore and concern across the globe about global warming and pollution, peeps still seem to want to pollute the environment. Seems like being pious and committed to saving the planet is good only so long as its on peeps own terms and not on weekends, holidays or other vagaries of life.
It doesn’t have to be that way, with the fireworks of course, I know first hand that peeps can use laser lights to create a fantastic display with minimum of pollution, smell noise and distress. After all, which of us cats (who are luck enough to have a home, and caring parents who don’t let off fireworks) haven’t chased one of those little red dots? I have even seen displays on the internet on a scale way bigger than the biggest cat could chase. It’s true, I saw it on the internet. Purrs
Anyways I have a plan, well for next year at least, and it entails growing peas. Yep I’m turning the estate over to pea production to counter the global menace of the firework noise, smell, pollution and pet distress crisis.
WHY? I hear some of you saying and well you might as the answer isn’t clear, which is in itself the solution. I knew I had it just this week when peep showed me some pictures of the bad old days in the UK when they had pollution of another sort, made up of pea soup, that plagued the land and no one could see fireworks due to the soups density. Who’d have thought those sweet innocent looking peas could have caused so much chaos, who knew?
Now if I can convert one of peeps smoothie makers into a pea soup maker there may well be hope to save us peaceable loving folk from any more fear and stress! I’m open for recipes should anyone have one?
What of the environmental impact of this soup I hear you say, and well you might, but there I can safely say I have the answer too. Once the soup has done its job in blanketing out the fireworks I can sell it for charity. If it catches on a could even do a pea and ham fog, and for vegetarians apparently pea and mint is lovely!
Mind you I can think of one downside to this plan, can you imagine the mess on the palace doormat and carpets, not to mention peeps wool duvet, not that that would be me, 100% absolutely definitely not me. Mouses!