I’m not a Political Cat, least ways I don’t think so? How would I know if I were I wonder, would I behave differently, sort of go around kissing mice and bunnies maybe? Maybe I’d change physically, heck maybe I’d have two heads, eight legs and two tails! That would be scary for sure!……whats that you say peeps?…. oh yes…Peeps says that would just be two cats. Hang on that would be in fact two of me! Wowzer how much fun could that be, twice the mouses twice the nip and twice the naps! OK, I’m in! now where do I sign?
Now I always tries to see peep off in the morning, make sure hes got his packed lunch, laced his shoes and put his shirt on right way round. You might thing that all these things could be quite easily be managed by an adult peep, but the latter is a major source of embarrassment with more than a few instances of back to front and inside out tops this winter, what with peeps not putting the lights on to save the planet and all. Who knew global warming had such a far reaching effect?
It was on one such morning recently, having watched peep head off through the cat flap wearing a particularly bright pair of novelty socks (I would stress that peep didn’t use the cat flap, he’s way too fa….sorry, way too big for that), that I heard someone opening the gate. Never a moments peace, I thought, and I was just about to give a reproving stare out the cat flap to scare peep back to the car, when “Clang Snap!” went the letter box and a glossy leaflet sailed through the air and dropped square on my toe “What the…..YOUCH! that smarted, what in peeps name is going on?” Not seeing any sign of peep or my assailant, I turned to the offending glossy paper. Hmm…what’s all this then? “Vote Labour!” Glancing at the pictures I could see that there was a male peep sat at a desk looking sort of smug, like he knew where the best nip was, and had had some too! The leaflet went on to mention more funding for hospitals and midwives and things being less taxing.
I struck me, which it clearly had, that I didn’t know what or who Labour were and why they need a vote. Skimming the nearest dictionary (as peep is crossword fanatic we have a few, this one was called Medi al) it said that labour comes before peepbirth and can go on hours or even days. Sometimes it goes on so long and is so painful that peeps scream and a pain killer needs to given by way of a gas, or injected into the spine! Wowser, that sounded way too horrific, and as I cant have any more kittens, and my peep cant either, (though he did once say he’d have kittens if I carried on bringing mouses in) I think that we’ll give that one a miss. But I digress, what I needed to know was why did they need a vote? Maybe it was getting so painful and noisy due to pregnant peeps, that some wanted to get rid of labour altogether and others not, hence the vote? Who knew, but if they kept dropping leaflets on my toe I’d not be voting for them, for sure!
Returning to my bed to catch an early morning sun puddle, I had no sooner settled into the warming light than I heard the gate go, again! “Oh Metric Mouses and Flea’s! whatever next? Maybe its peeps returning those terrible socks!” No sooner than I’d got downstairs than there came a sharp rap at the door! “OK! OK! I’m coming” I cried. Getting up to cat flap level I saw a rather trendy pair of loafers (that’s shoes and not ne’er-do-wells’) poised just where I wanted to see… “Clang Snap!”went the letter box and a semi glossy piece of paper flew down, and smarted me on the nose “YOUCH!… Oi! that was uncalled for!” Not seeing loafer clad peep any more, I sat down massaging my nose and toe and glanced at the leaflet. Hmm…whats this then? “Vote Green!” I don’t do green Per Se, more a pink girl, sits better with my lovely tux coat you know. Again, Hmm…why would I want to Vote green, was there some discordant faction of peeps that didn’t like grass, and wanted to get rid of it and turn it say brown or worse still Purple! Clearly this was an issue, for sure, I don’t do purple! Glancing once more at the pictures, I saw windmills and solar panels, and “Green” peeps shaking hands with the same peeps that helped Labouring peeps that scream in hospital. Maybe this is some sort of alliance, vote Green and go into labour? My peep will certainly like the solar panels, what with saving the planet and all, but not sure he wants to be pregnant!
Heading back to bed I started to contemplate all this voting. Some seconds after, and still none the wiser, I drifted into the land of Cream Cheese Cows and Mousses. Later that day, as I headed out the flap for a nap in my bush, I was confronted by a bright, nay spangly pair of rogues…oops sorry meant to say brogues, totally different sort of image that! “Excuse me” I purred, “Cat Princess on a mission…coming through!” Alas the brogues, and the smartly clad peep contained therein, seemed intent on doing exactly the opposite! “Oh what a nice kitty” he exclaimed “What lovely green eyes, a little Princess for sure! “Do you live here? Well if you do I hope you will Vote Conservative!” To be honest, he had me at “…what a nice kitty”, and was clearly a peep of taste and discernment, what with spotting my blue blood and all! Not wishing to upset my audience I nipped back indoors to smarten myself up (and have a treat to make up for my nap).
Heading back to my public and indulging in the thought that “there’s was no way that this Princess is getting caught from above a third time!” I was hit squarely in the chest by a hefty leaflet that the conservative peep pushed through the Cat Flap! “YOUCH! Oi! that’s below the belt! Whats a Princess got to do to not be attacked around here? Huh!” Not receiving a reply, I did the next best thing a Princess could do, I jumped on the leaflet. “Harrumph I say and harrumph again for good measure too!” Now I don’t often do that but, as it was a bit of a slap in the chest (paw and face) I felt justified. I mean I do have my dignity after all, and a lady cant let these things pass, who know where it may end, and those home shopping catalogues are mighty heavy!
But the thought remained, who are these “Vote Conservative!” and why were conserves, jams and the like so foremost in their minds that they needed voting for? Hmm…maybe things were getting so sticky with home made conserves and compotes leaking everywhere across the land (judging by the mess peep makes with his) that some peeps wanted to call a halt to the whole thing fearing for the safety of the nations work surfaces and keyboards! (please take note peep re the latter). Turning the leaflet over, there was a big image of a dreamy eyed young peep shaking hands with the hospital peeps. Clearly the hospital peeps were showing that they were happy to carry on helping conservatives should they get overwhelmed with stickiness. Further down I noted that besides seeking to preserve the conserves and jellies, they also wanted less taxing homes and to deal with some peep called Eu who had taken too big a slice of, a bird called a budget! Despite their recent assault on my person, this was definitely one vote to consider. If conserves marmalades’ etc. were voted out, what next? Would it be home made mouse mousse or home grown nip! As for peep, any home that didn’t require dusting or a vacuum would be less taxing for sure. Definitely need to see peep on this one!
Now when peep came home that evening, not having managed to shake off them novelty socks, he sat down and explained about all this voting business. Apparently its all about who runs the country, and something called politics, which peeps insists is nothing to do with pest ridden parrots! Every five years or so the group of peeps that run the country (called a “Party”) run out of time, a bit like a parking meter. Before the Party can start again, they have to ask the other peeps in the nation if they want to put more change in that Party’s meter or go to someone else’s Party and put change in their meter to see if they have a better deal. Now the peeps in charge of the different Parties get lesser peeps to go around putting leaflets through doors, shaking paws and kissing baby peeps. Now whilst the baby peeps cant vote, it is clearly less hazardous than kissing the baby peeps parents!
Now had this been done by us cats, it would be sorted in a night give or take a nap or two. Sure there would have been some caterwauling, stalking, hissing and some striking. Some fur would have been lost and maybe an ear bitten (off) or a cheek scratched, but at the end of it things would have been sorted and there would be a leader and the party could start all over. Alas not so the peeps who seem to love to make a fuss of things, just love it they do, so much so that all this goes on for weeks and weeks, and costs more money than a Princess can shake a bag of nip at, not that I would be shaking nip anywhere, far too wasteful that! Every time one party says it will spend X amount or do something, the others respond by saying they will spend X amount plus Y more or do the same something but better! Bit like raising the ante in a game of poker (please don’t ask me how I know that, suffice to say I was young, foolish and there was nip!) but at the end of it they don’t have to pay up and everyone has to forget what it was they tried or said they’d do in the first place. Aha! so that’s why they want to shake hands with the Hospital peeps, must be to have their memories checked!
Anyways, peep has warned me to steer clear of any rogues…sorry, any brogues, creepers, sneakers, loafers (and politicians) for the next few weeks just in case I get kissed! As there will be many more of them leaflets to come, peep has installed a cage on the back of the letterbox to catch them (so my personage wont be affronted or indeed asided again) and a little sign placed on the flap saying……well I shall leave that to your imagination, after all this is a family blog………
If you haven’t already read this WONDERFUL book and you want a GREAT read, please pick up a copy. I’ve just finished and it is truly fabulous book and one I would recommend to both cat lovers and none cat lovers alike.
Its called: “RESCUED The Stories of 12 Cats through Their Eyes“ Each month a portion of the sales will go to a different charity. This month of April, Anjellicle Cats Rescue, in New York will benefit. Whilst I am not from New York, it was through reading about the tireless and unpaid work they do to
save (and re-home) thousands of cats from being killed each year, that lead me to support them and other rescue organizations in NY.
Please follow the links below to find out more…
Click this Link to buy RESCUED via Amazon
Click this Link to visit Anjellicle Cats Rescue
Thank You Again. Purrs